What I've learned about life and loss after 40 years as a nurse

Working in palliative care is a unique privilege. It’s about much more than just easing pain or managing symptoms; it’s about helping people live their final days on their own terms - whether that means achieving personal goals, spending time with loved ones, or simply feeling safe and comfortable. The impact of this care extends beyond the individual, providing families with peace of mind and helping them navigate their grief.

I think sometimes people assume that working in palliative care means you’re around death all the time. Yes, end-of-life care is a significant part of my role, but we also provide expert symptom management. Some people come to us with a number of complex symptoms, and we have the specialist staff to guide them. Once they feel better, they are often discharged.

I work alongside patients and their families in their own homes. For some, this means helping them manage symptoms to improve their quality of life. Others require support as they approach end-of-life care. Being in the community allows me to get to know patients in their own environments and offer highly personalised care.

It’s the most fulfilling role, but it can also be one of the most distressing. You really feel like you’re making a difference, and no two days are the same - I love it. I get to meet amazing people, and every patient and family is completely different.

[One patient I remember] wanted to be at home, in her own bed, with her makeup always done - her husband had never seen her without it. We captured every detail of her wishes, and we managed to fulfil them all. She passed away peacefully and with dignity. Her husband later thanked me and the team, saying it had made his grief easier to bear.

It can be incredibly hard when you’re brought in at the last minute, and a patient is very unwell. Building trust with the family during such a distressing time is challenging, but once they know you genuinely want to help, it becomes a wonderful experience.

My favourite memories are of the amazing patients and families I’ve worked with and the relationships we’ve developed. They almost become like friends towards the end, trusting you and opening up. When I look back, I still remember many of those patients and families from the start of my career - their strength was unforgettable.

I think some people assume working in hospice care is depressing. It’s always sad when someone you’ve connected with dies, and breaking bad news to families is never easy. However, providing hospice and community palliative care is so special - it’s such a rewarding job, and there’s still plenty of laughter.

We have spaces for children to play, and we support each other as a team. Death can seem frightening, but the more we talk about it and show what compassionate and expert palliative care looks like, the more we can change those perceptions.

Palliative care is about more than just the end - it’s about living fully until the final moment, with dignity, love, and laughter.