Our silence about death could cost the nation £157.1 million a year

Research (2) released by Sue Ryder reveals that 59% of people surveyed who have arranged a funeral spent beyond their means, with an average overspend of £513.

Nearly a third (30%) of those who overspent felt pressure to do so, even if it stretched them beyond what they could afford, while over a quarter (26%) worried about being judged if they chose a more modest option.

The research of 500 UK adults who have experienced the death of a loved one in the past five years, revealed nearly a quarter (24%) had never discussed their end-of-life wishes with a loved one.

This rises to three in five UK adults (66%) (3) who admit to avoiding conversations about death and end-of-life wishes.

Among respondents who had arranged a funeral, over half (54%) said they were uncertain about key decisions because no conversations had taken place beforehand - leaving grieving families to make emotionally and financially pressured decisions without knowing what their loved one would have wanted.

And the cost of silence also carries a significant emotional burden. Almost three in ten who arranged a funeral (29%) felt anxiety at the lack of clarity, whilst 22% experienced guilt, worrying they had made the wrong choices.

A further 23% revealed they were left confused about what their loved one would have wanted, and over half (56%) admit it resulted in family disagreements lasting an average of thirteen months and 14% lasting more than five years. Among those who had disagreements within their family, over two-thirds (67%) said the rift was only resolved when another family member became ill.

In response to what it describes as the growing “cost of silence”, Sue Ryder launched ‘The Cab Fare-well’. The limited-run initiative offered free black taxi rides with an unusual twist - the only 'fare' passengers were asked to pay was an open conversation about what they would want at the end of their life.

Drivers, trained by the charity’s experts and palliative care nurses, will gently guide conversations about death, end-of-life options and what matters most.

Sue Ryder teamed up with its ambassador Lottie Tomlinson, who took a ride in the cab and drew on her personal experience of grief to highlight the importance of open conversations around end-of-life wishes.

In support of the campaign, Tomlinson is encouraging people to download Sue Ryder’s “Your Death Deserves Better” guide and speak to their loved ones about their wishes.

James Sanderson, Chief Executive at Sue Ryder, said, “The nation’s silence about the end of life, and death, can carry a real cost, not just emotionally, but financially too. Our research shows 24% of people who have been bereaved in the past five years have never discussed their end-of-life wishes, and as a result, grieving families are left to make emotionally charged and often expensive decisions.

“In their own homes and in our hospices, we support people every day to prepare for the end of life in a way that honours who they are and what matters most to them. Our nurses and doctors see how these open discussions help them live well for as long as possible, and give families peace of mind in their grief.

“Talking about what you want at the end of your life is one of the kindest, most practical gifts you can give the people you love. 'The Cab Fare-well' exists to make those conversations easier - bringing them out of the shadows and into everyday life, so that when the moment comes, families can feel certain, not lost.”

Over half (53%) of those who have experienced the death of a loved one within the past five years admitted they didn’t know their loved one was nearing the end of life. The majority (88%) of these people admit they would have done things differently had they known - including spending more quality time together (53%), expressing their love more openly (42%) and creating more memories together (41%).

Many respondents highlighted the importance of memory-making, with 72% saying that open conversations about end-of-life wishes encourage them to reflect more deeply on how they want to live. Seven in ten (70%) reported having a list of goals or experiences they hope to achieve in order to feel they have lived well, while 75% said that understanding their loved ones’ end-of-life wishes helps them stay focused on the present.

While 59% of those who have been bereaved regret not having a proper opportunity to say goodbye, around half said unresolved issues (47%) and unfinished conversations (53%) continue to weigh on them.

In fact, a fifth (22%) of these people still think about what they didn’t or couldn’t say over a year later, while more than one in 10 (13%) still think about it five years later.

In retrospect, 63% agree knowing their loved one’s wishes in advance would have given them and their family greater peace of mind during their final days together.

Despite this, many still struggle to break the silence, as nearly half (48%) feel uneasy talking about dying and death, while 47% admit they wouldn’t know how to start the conversation, meaning the cycle of uncertainty and overspending continues.

Research revealed 72% of those who have experienced the death of a loved one believe even a brief conversation would give them the confidence to talk more openly about end-of-life wishes.

It comes as 61% agree that discussing end-of-life options or preferences reduces death anxiety, and 78% would encourage loved ones to engage in death-positive conversations to feel more prepared during a difficult time.