"We could not have coped without Sue Ryder": Jo's story

Jo left a gift in her will to Sue Ryder after the Berkshire West Community Nursing Team provided expert palliative care to her husband Brian during the Covid pandemic. She said:

"We could not have coped without the support of the Sue Ryder team, I just don't know what we would have done."

"My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2019 and it was his wish that he should remain at home. He really didn't want to go into hospital, he had a real fear about it, so we nursed him at home." Brian died in September 2020, aged 56.

"I had not really been aware of Sue Ryder before and had no understanding of what they offered. When you are caring for someone, you really don't know what you need until you need it and you have no idea what support is available. You don't realise that someone's ability will diminish bit by bit and how you will cope with that. As Brian gradually ceased to be able to do things for himself, some of the simple things, like the piece of equipment we were given to help him out of bed, were just crucial. I don't know what I would have done without it, but I hadn't even realised that piece of equipment existed."

"We had a Sue Ryder physio in the early days of his diagnosis and then when he became bedridden, the Sue Ryder nurses became much more involved, working with the local community team and the GP to ensure Brian was able to stay at home and be cared for by us."

"I have got two sons who were 19 and 20 at the time and my husband's cousin actually moved in with us to help because there was a lot that, physically, I couldn't do by myself, especially the lifting. It was obviously a very challenging time anyway but when you add Covid into the mix it just made everything much more difficult.

We could not have coped without the support of the Sue Ryder team, I just don't know what we would have done. Had we needed it, there was a place at the Sue Ryder hospice available, but it was Brian's wish to be at home. It was just something that meant so much to him that it wasn't even a consideration for me that we did that. We were just so lucky to have Sue Ryder's support.

One of the Sue Ryder nurses was just wonderful, and she coordinated everything for us. She made the worst time of my life feel bearable and offered such kindness at such an awful time. She never tried to 'sugar coat' any answers to difficult questions, even when I didn't want to hear them.

She provided a mix of practical support and kindness to help us all through the immense challenges and emotions we were facing."

"We had written our will when the first of our children was born. It was quite out of date when Brian died so I re-did it at that point just to bring it up to date. Obviously, my children are my main priority so, for me, it was about protecting my boys and making sure that everything was tied up should anything happen. Everything will go to my boys but there is also a small legacy for Sue Ryder. If anything happens to all of us, then Sue Ryder would get significantly more."

"It was quite a straightforward process. I was able to speak to a solicitor through the company I worked for. I road-mapped what I wanted to happen beforehand, and it did feel like a weight off my mind once it was done.

You tend to think it won't make a difference to a charity unless it's a big number but even the smaller gifts can make a big impact."

Writing a Will helps ensure your wishes are followed and the people and charities you choose are supported. Visit our What do I need to do to write a Will? page for more information.