Bereavement and fatherhood - Harry's story
Harry's dad Steve, a proud grandad.
As Harry was saying goodbye to his dad Steve, he was becoming a father himself. Here he shares how this affected his experience of the end of his dad's life and how Sue Ryder helped his family.
My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer in May 2021. Him and my mum were open with me and my two brothers, but we didn’t ask that much about life expectancy.
My wife and I found out we were expecting a baby at the end of June the next year, so the two things were running in parallel. On the one hand we had the knowledge that Dad was seriously unwell with an aggressive form of cancer, and on the other the excitement of becoming parents. They existed together, and it was really helpful having something positive to focus on, alongside this completely awful thing.
It was really helpful having something positive to focus on, alongside this completely awful thing.
We didn’t know what was going to happen with Dad’s treatment – there were lots of ups and downs along the way. When my wife was heavily pregnant, we could tell from the meetings with his oncologist that he was getting sicker. He shut down and his energy levels were really low.
Our baby boy Jasper was born in March 2022, and Dad really wasn’t well, but was determined to come and meet him. My wife had covid when she went into labour, so had to self isolate beforehand. When they were finally able to meet it was really emotional. It felt like he was holding out for that. He deteriorated very quickly afterwards. He wasn’t able to visit our house again. He had a nasty fall, and after that he couldn’t get out again. We always knew it was terminal, but that was the endgame.
Our baby boy Jasper was born in March 2022, and Dad really wasn’t well, but was determined to come and meet him.
Dad was a really proud grandad. He had three grandchildren, but his illness limited how much he could see them. He wanted to be as involved as he could, so it must’ve been hard for him. It was hard for us too. He’d want to be playing football and having a laugh, but he could barely get up sometimes.
Because of the care from Sue Ryder, Dad was able to die at home with us around him. He felt lucky to live out his life with us by his side. We had meaningful talks about life, and his relationships. There was a lot of heartache, but a lot of amazing family moments as well.
Because of the care from Sue Ryder, Dad was able to die at home with us around him.
Towards the end he was in and out of consciousness, but we were together as a family. It was really special to have my son there too to provide some light in a very dark time. The whole experience strengthened us as a family.
Family has always been really important to me and my brothers, and we feel so lucky with our parents and the love they’ve shown us. You have your own dynamics, but we’ve learnt so much from my dad and want to replicate that love, and that role model, in our children’s lives. If we can do even half the job he did, we’ll be proud.
If we can do even half the job he did, we’ll be proud.
Harry, with his brothers Tom and Will ran the London Marathon in memory of their dad.
Since Dad died, we’ve wanted to do something in his memory, and this felt like the perfect opportunity. I’ve been entering the London Marathon ballot for 15 years and finally got a place this June. My brothers jumped at the chance to join me, and it all spiralled from there!
Sue Ryder was one of the charities we chose for donations at Dad’s funeral. Their care meant so much to our family, and we always knew they’d be the cause we’d want to support.
The support from Sue Ryder was invaluable, not just for Dad but for all of us. Their care gave us precious time together as a family, and those final days at home were truly special.
Sue Ryder's care gave us precious time together as a family, and those final days at home were truly special.
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